Sunday, September 12, 2010

Ah, College Memories

Wow. I was cleaning out my Yahoo account- which I have had since I was 16, my first e-mail account ever- and I found this little gem that I wrote to a friend in the summer between junior and senior year of college, which would have been 2004. This is my response when he asked me "How's your summer going?"....

I am not too great myself. This summer has completely drained me of
finances, those I have and those I don't. I am
completely strapped for cash, and it really sucks. I
had to borrow money to make my necessities, and not
much was left over for food, so I've been living off
of a three dollar economy bag of "Silly Circles", a
generic knock off of Fruit Loops. But, after checking
the nutritional content of all the said "bagged"
cereals, I determined that "Silly Circles" would be my
best bet, because they offered one fourth of every
vitamin and nutrient under the sun. I couldn't get
milk for a while, so I borrowed from my three
roommates, Brooke, Emily, and Melanie, and by taking a
tablespoon or so from each, managed to somewhat coat
and soften the cereal without making too much of a
dent into their respective milk supply. Perhaps the
worst part is the fact that I have to drink milk in
the first place, but I can't afford soy milk, which
is, per glass and gallon, a much more expensive cereal
juice. Anyway, I am now praying for the advent of
school just so I can receive the economic salvation
that will come with my Pell Grant. Of course, this
means that I cannot truly enjoy the rest of my summer,
as I wait patiently for its demise so that my
financial problems will die with it. I considered
selling my blood, pump it out into neat little sacks
through an I.V inserted by some nurse in training who
will no doubt mutilate my arm while continuing to say,
in an attempt at joking/justifying her clumsiness "my,
you have small veins"...but the thought of having that
much fun with a needle, my blood, and an untrained
stranger was really more than I could handle. I have
resolved that there are many items currently occupying
my jewelry box that really, in the grand scheme of
accessorizing necessity, don't pay their share of the
rent, so I will put them to work paying my rent at the
nearest pawn shop. Of course I know they will probably
give me two greasy tens and a smile that says "yes, I
know that's worth two hundred dollars, but I also know
that I am a big scary man who has the same amount of teeth
as I have eyes, and I know you are a poor college kid for whom
this twenty dollars is an economic boon, and hey, I
gotta pay the bills too".

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