Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Relationships are Hard

Why is it that the people who love us the most, who are legitimately concerned about us and worried for us, always seem to go about telling us so in the most hurtful, tactless ways?

Just because someone is family or a close and trusted friend doesn't mean they can express their feelings in hateful ways. Feelings shouldn't be ignored, concerns should be raised, there should be open communication, by ALL means families and friends will and do quarrel and disagree, but when it devolves into ineffective and negative methods that are confrontational, accusatory, and often selfish, the whole system just breaks down. And the worst part is that usually such pain and suffering is caused by those who genuinely feel like they are doing the right thing, and who are genuinely worried and upset.

But just because you're upset and feel like you're doing the right thing doesn't give one a free pass to say and do whatever you feel like doing. It is shocking to me when friends and families extend more common courtesy to their co-workers or strangers in day to day life than they do to one another. We take advantage of the intimacy, and feel we can say and do as we please, because family will always be there for you, or your friends should see the real you. No, that's taking advantage of other people to justify your own needs and desires to express your feelings however you want to, regardless of the pain you inflict. And that's not only not fair, but it's largely ineffective and often completely counterproductive.

Why is it that people take one of two tacks- they bury their head in the sand and say nothing, or they confront one another aggressively? Why are we not taught how to deal with conflict and strong emotion like ADULTS, adults that should care and respect one another? There has to be a better way than these two extremes of not talking or exploding on one another. I have to believe that.


  1. I think the more you care about someone and the better you know them the easier it is to be aggressive when you confront them about something. At least that's something I find in my own life anyways!

  2. I think that's true- you get comfortable and you think "I can say whatever I want, they love me!"