Saturday, January 9, 2010

Mona Lisa Squinchy Smirk Sideways Pout Smile

Go with me, to a time pre-myspace and vintagey dressed screamo "punky" weird "artsy" girls flooding its channels with pictures...

Am I the only soul living in existence who remembers that it was once possible to take a picture without squinching one's lips into a pretentious sideways pucker while casting one's eyes in the opposite direction of the jutting pursed lips, creating that completely put on face that is meant to engender feelings of "awwww, cute, she's all little and precocious!"

I think it's that, as we approach 2012 and the end of existence, self consciousness is raised to dizzying new heights, and it's impossible to simply bare one's teeth in the traditional lip configuration previously referred to as a "smile"- alternatively a "grin" or sometimes a "smirk". Maybe I'm just getting too old for these new facial moves. Who can say. Or maybe I remember when making a face in a picture was making a mother fuckin' face- you tried to make yourself look as disgusting as possible, really warp the facial planes into a twisted wreck of grotesque expression, elastic skin, bugged out eyes.

Hmmm... .nope, it's really just that this lip pursed squinchy sideways mouth "tee hee, I'm adorably cute!" thing just pisses me off. I don't know why. It just always has, and maybe it always will. That's all.

Ok, ok, wait- I should say, though, before I go- we all have at least one of these pictures, but it was an accident, or was meant to be funny. I'm more referring to people who seem physically incapable of simply *being* in a picture, without throwing up a facial expression that has become the universal gang sign for "I'm interesting and artsy and wear weird clothes and make mustaches with my fingers and am fundamentally defined by my pencil jeans and ironic mullets and 80's throwback neon purses and Bon Jovi headbands and my inability to ponder anything more than what color socks I'm going to wear to go with that new band I discovered".

The end.

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