So Far, So Good

I read this book in January, and I loved it. I can't wait to see the movie- I had no idea they were making it until I saw this ad in a theater.

 This semester has been better than last in every single area of my life. I'm doing a much better job of maintaining a good work/life balance, I'm able to work out thanks to not having a broken foot, I know what to expect and I'm comfortable at my school/with my students, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel to keep me going- what's up, May 27th!!

I figured I'd recap how January went in terms of my 3 Main Goals. The above pretty much covers One and Two, so I guess I'll go into a little more detail about Three. In January, I lost 6 pounds towards my goal of 18 pounds. I didn't count calories or obsess over anything, I just went back to eating mindfully and working out. Speaking of the latter- holy shit I was out of shape! It reminded me of how I work out primarily to be a fit, healthy, strong person, not just to "be skinny, yay!" Being able to tackle a hike, or go on a long bike ride, or do a hard yoga class, or go snowshoeing without feeling as though my heart is going to hummingbird out of my chest and explode in front of my face- that is why I work out. I love lifting weights and seeing myself get stronger each week. I look forward to the random crazy poses in yoga that challenge my flexibility, balance, and strength. I truly enjoy a brutal interval workout in spinning that makes me question whether or not my legs can even keep moving, and then they do. I think that Goal Three has probably been the foundation for making Goal One and Two so much more doable: I have more energy and I'm in a better mood, and (totally obvious observation alert) what do you know, that makes life in general a lot easier. As to the GoodReads 52 books in 2012 goal, I'm about 2 books ahead right now, and I'm finding, as I did last year, that having this goal is great for curtailing mindless internet surfing.

January pretty much zipped right before me before I could blink, and it's strange to think that I have only 4 more months left before I am a certified teacher with only 4 classes left towards my second master's degree! Our lease is up the end of May, and we're not sure yet if we're staying in Colorado through the summer until I find a job overseas in Aug/Sept, or if we're going to spend the summer bouncing around the U.S., road tripping and visiting friends before I take up said overseas job. I'm hoping for the latter, but that depends on job situations out of our control. For now I'm just enjoying teaching, getting myself back into shape, and having dedicated free time to spend with Bobby and our friends, actually having a life outside of school/work.

Oh, Right...

A perk of leaving my house at 7 a.m.- sunrise as captured on my cell phone, no filters/editing

I suppose I never did the follow-up post to my 2011goals in review post. I know we're almost an entire month into 2012, but I figure I'll get these goals nailed down for posterity, so I can either revel in victory or toil under shame, depending upon how they work out.

As I mentioned, I think a huge issue last year was my glaring oversight in not making pre-grad school and during-grad school goals. This led me to decide that I would make a set of goals that were specific to January 1st- May 31st. That encompasses my entire second semester of grad school, plus all of my student teaching, plus the end of our lease here in Colorado. What happens come June 1st is truly completely up in the air. A lot depends upon where Bobby is working by then, where I might be working, where family members are in the U.S. and where we might be visiting them, etc. There is a possibility we may go month to month and stay in Colorado through August, maybe not. Basically, the only logical thing is to plan from January to May because that is the only thing I'm sure of at the moment. I'm also taking into consideration how much of a brutal, stressful time suck grad school+ student teaching is (something I had no idea about last January) which led to a significant paring down of any goals. In fact, I only have 3, as follows, in no particular order:

1. Work/Life- specifically Work/Relationship- balance: A lot of the particulars of this goal are personal to my, well, personal relationships, but let's just say that last semester was a big stressful wad of no social life and little to no fun/going out. This isn't good for me, or the people who put up with love me. Therefore, I set up my weekly schedule so that I do absolutely no lesson planning/homework on Friday night after school, all day Saturday, and Saturday night. This gives me two nights a week of guilt free, I'm not worrying about homework freedom. It also averts the problem of letting fear of finishing a project interfere with needed downtime, which I wrote about at length. Plus, it gives Bobby and I a guaranteed date night, or time for hanging out with friends, or making random day trips to Boulder/Denver, etc. And I get to stay out late/sleep in, because homework/lesson planning are not even options.

2. Graduate School and Student teaching: My goals here are simple and straightforward: successfully complete my student teaching (with all the reviews and lesson planning and grading and after school work and professional development that entails) and end the semester with another 4.0 in all of my grad classes. Come May I will have 27 hours towards my graduate degree and have all of the necessary training for my certification. I've kicked ass for the first half of this journey, and I want to finish strong.

3. Health and Fitness: Return to my former level of fitness and lose the 18 pounds I gained while on crutches. I know a lot of people think it's terrible to focus on a scale, but facts are facts: before breaking my foot, I was incredibly active and ate whatever I wanted, in moderation. After breaking my foot, I wasn't active at all, and I turned to food for entertainment/stress relief. There were several times when I wasn't hungry at all, was physically full, but was so bored and stressed that I would knock back dessert and sweet coffee and sodas because it was the only fun to be had when one is chained to a chair with a broken foot doing 5 hours of homework. I am not saying that everyone who gains 18 pounds does so because of inactivity and eating poorly, but for me, that is clearly the case. Further, only 1 pair of jeans fit, none of my professional slacks fit, and half of my button front shirts do not fit. Further still, in only two weeks of going back to my previous activity levels/eating habits, I have dropped 6 pounds. I'm not counting calories or obsessing, I'm just returning to my previous lifestyle of frequent, fun activity and eating mindfully. I went snowshoeing- one of my favorite activities- last week and was so out of shape that I had to stop after every single hill, no matter how moderate. This is not a feeling I enjoy, at all. I want to be fit again. I will be fit again. My specific goals in this arena are to do the following, weekly: 2 hours of cardio, 2 hours of yoga, and two sessions of weightlifting (full body, free weights). This schedule is necessary for my sanity in order to counteract all the time I am forced to sit for hours on end as I commute and lesson plan and do homework and grade papers.

4. Read 52 books in 2012: This is the only yearlong goal I'm making, because I can do this wherever I am in the world. I love using Goodreads to keep up with this easily, and it definitely motivated me to turn off the internet and pick up a book instead.

Really, 1-3 Jan-May goals all come back to this: organizing my time wisely. I'm trying to avoid the trap of feeling pressure to get homework done, not wanting to do it, forcing myself to sit at the computer, and then wasting 3 hours on the internet as I try to avoid said homework. If I can structure my weekly schedule more realistically/efficiently, I can easily have time for a social life and working out, and still be successful in school and student teaching. So far, it's going well. I think just keeping a laser focus on these three areas will keep me sane over the next few months, not to mention give me a lot of happiness and stress relief, too.

2011 Goals in Review

Yeah, sometimes 2011 goal accomplishing felt this futile, I won't lie.

Back in January, I posted my goals for the year with a lengthy musing on goals in general. From January until May I did monthly reviews- all found under the "2011 goals" tag. Then June and July were packed with traveling and school prep and people visiting from out of town, so I didn't do the monthly reviews, although I kept up with the goals. Unfortunately, I broke my foot right around the time I started school. The crutches, naturally, killed any working out, and the school going and student teaching began to eat almost every ounce of free time I had. I was impressed with my progress from January to July, but so many things fell apart in August to December. I feel I should almost break the year into two parts- Before Broken Foot/Grad School/Student Teaching and After. Let's just say "Before" and "After" for brevity's sake, shall we? Without further ado, the review...

At one point, as evidenced by this crappy phone pic, things were going pretty well in this department.

Food and Fitness

Do at least two cardio workouts a week + three additional workouts (any type including yoga):  

Before- I was rocking this goal. I was lifting weights again, doing yoga, bicycling up to 10 miles a day as a main form of transportation, and kicking ass at C25K.   

After- Well, clearly I did a whole lot of nothing when I was on the crutches for 8 weeks between August and October. I got off the crutches October 9th, but just walking made my foot sore for a good month after that, so I officially started working out again November 9th. I made sporadic starts and stops, but was honestly terrified of hurting myself again so I shied away from working out. I've been doing much better in December, working out on average about twice a week for the month. So far the foot isn't hurting at all, and I've done spinning, yoga, and today I lifted heavy weights again with no pain. I have very high hopes for 2012 in this area.

Get down to one soda and one coffee per week or less:  

Before- I was probably averaging more like two each per week, which was still a huge positive change. After- Please. I was bored because I wasn't working out, exhausted from my new schedule, and turning to any kind of fun that could be had in the form of a beverage. Fail, miserable, miserable fail.

Give C25K another try (applies to cardio workout goal above):

See above- great Before, unable to do it even if I wanted to After and possibly not until February or March of next year.

I did more than just contribute to other people's projects, I promise.

Misc Goals and Projects

West Coast Swing lessons- aim for once a week, go at least twice a month; belly dancing lessons on Sundays:

These stopped over summer when we were doing all of our traveling (you pay for them on a monthly basis and it would have been a waste) with full intentions of picking up again once school started. Again, broken foot/crutches made this impossible, and by the time November 9th rolled around we were into holiday travel season and had planned to be out of town for 1/4 of November and half of December. 

Finish rainbow quilt, blue crocheted baby blanket, and Kate’s quilt- work on similar projects at least twice a month

I finished the blue baby blanket and Kate's quilt, but didn't touch the rainbow quilt. I also made a scarf and did some other crafting here and there, but all of that stopped once school started. It just wasn't a priority to me anymore, and I willfully stopped doing it.

Scan in journals/letters/cards; finish editing pictures & deleting unwanted pics; organizing files

I organized the journals/letters/cards in a major way. I threw away a good 75% of them when I went to Texas in April/May because many of them were just random birthday or Christmas cards with nothing more than a signature. I wanted to save and scan in cards with lengthy messages and personal notes in them, not just cute cards, you know? I did the same with letters, when I realize that many of the things I had saved were from when I was 18 years old, and the people and things that were important to me then just aren't anymore. In fact, when I cleaned out my hope chest I threw away all of my medals/trophies from high school, my scripts from One Act Play, etc. It felt good. I also threw away a lot of journals that were also more painful than anything, things I wouldn't want anyone else to read, things I barely wanted to read anymore. Again, I realized it wasn't worth the time to scan them in. I did well on scanning in the things I did care about from January-July, but I haven't touched this project since August. I kicked ass at the second part of this goal- my pictures are 80% sorted and edited (cropping, lighting, not Photoshop or anything crazy) and organized. I'm very happy with my progress on this entire goal, in both parts.

Update blog at least twice a week/creative writing once a week

Before- Yep.

After- Nope. 

Dinner theater performance at my placement high school

Career and Finances

Continue to volunteer with SSI and VE & complete Community Based Development Certificate:

Done and done! I actually finished the 4th and final class towards the certificate this semester, which meant at one point I was taking 4 classes 0_o  I'm excited to continue working with both of these organizations, I really believe in their work. Bobby and I were able to go to the fall gala for VE, and it was really moving and reminded me of why I work for free :)

Begin Teacher Certification program and internship in August:

Check! I currently have a 4.0 and things are going really well. As they should, considering how much work I've put into it.

Try to find a part time job that works around current internships:

I was offered one job at the beginning of September that I turned down- teaching English online- because while the pay was good for a part time job- $15 an hour- there was a lot of extra unpaid work. Basically, you didn't get paid unless you were teaching, so all prep work/grading/e-mails were unpaid. It worked out to less than $8 an hour, plus I would have had to get up at 5 a.m. four days a week (including Saturday) in order to do it. I then successfully applied to a local call center around the end of September. However, by that point I was knee deep into the reality of my student teaching/volunteering/full time grad school and my 50-60 hour weeks left not room for this. Bobby and I agreed that a part time job would be an unnecessary additional stress, and that I should focus on my internship. Thankfully I paid off all my debt two years ago except student loans, and those are deferred and interest free in school.

Personal Improvement

Read one book a week/52 books in a year:

Accomplished! Click the widget on my sidebar or go here to check out my books. I'm really glad I made reading a top priority this year.

Regular Spanish study- Rosetta Stone, books, Spanish Word of the Day- at least 3 times a week:

I should have taken this off of my list after the first two months of failure. With everything else I had going on, I just couldn't bring myself to make this a priority. I threw myself into reading and researching everything I could get my hands on about education/teaching from June until now, so any spare education time was spent on supporting my current endeavors in grad school/student teaching.

No more than one hour of internet during weekdays:

Nope. From January to August I probably averaged about two hours- for everything, from FB to blogs to news to whatever- but once I started school I would spend hours researching and looking for lesson plan ideas. I would also turn to internet for entertainment/winding down when my foot was broken. I think this needs to get better in 2012.

Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone Nat'l Park

Travel To-Do

Montana and Yellowstone Nat’l Park: Check. We turned this into a 12 day long, 3,000 mile road trip that included Seattle, Vancouver, Portland, and Utah. I never blogged about it, but it was amazing.

Badlands: Check

Go to at least one hot springs location: Nope.

Travel to Denver and Boulder at least twice each for events or day trips: Check. We more than accomplished this and it was nice to do some local exploring.

See a concert at Red Rocks: Nope. We had tickets to see Death Cab for Cutie, and it was two weeks after I broke my foot. It's a hike to get out there, and my foot was newly broken and sore, so Bobby went with a co-worker.

Travel to Texas at end of HP contract for an extended amount of time: Check. We also threw in the Thanksgiving trip as a bonus.

Sweet old pic of the 3 of us- I'm rocking the hell out of that side pony and yellow dress.

Family

Call all grandparents and parents at least once a month/ Send more mail (specifically to Great Granny monthly): Accomplished. We also started a tradition of sending postcards to the kids in our family/grandparents/parents from all the places we travel. It began in Peru/Ecuador, and just kept going. My cousin's son and Bobby's niece and nephews really look forward to getting mail. I'm actually about to write a postcard to my Great Granny right now.

All in all, even with the derail that was "After" I feel pretty good about this year. The only place where I really feel like I failed miserably was regarding the Spanish study. I think I should have divided my year, preemptively, into Before School Starts and After School Starts. This would have been more reasonable. As a result, that's exactly what I'm doing for 2012 goals. I have goals for January- May, that take into account that beating that is full time graduate school and student teaching. Bobby and I hung out at a coffee shop and talked about our respective goals day before yesterday. I have 3 main areas of focus, with very specific goals, to keep it simple and sweet during next semester but still get the important things done. They'll probably go up on New Year's Day.

I have to say, all the self-reflection about goal setting and accomplishing things is making me feel even worse about the fact that I have severely procrastinated on a few important things for the start of next semester. Maybe my productive procrastination, in the form of writing this insanely long post, did serve a purpose after all other than contribute to my eventual carpal tunnel syndrome? We'll see.

The Way We Think Things Will Go vs. Reality

Getting to hang out with all of these lovely people over Thanksgiving break in Texas was a welcome respite from everything I'm about to whinge about below...

I had the idea that I would chronicle this year of my teaching internship right here on my blog. I envisioned it being similar to my first year teaching in Japan. I would share funny stories, insights, frustrations, and put it all in post form so it would be there to review in the future when nostalgia hit.

Of course, in reality, I've barely blogged at all these past few months. A lot of this can be chalked up to taking 3 grad classes while student teaching 30 hours a week and still volunteering, while trying to find time to hang out with Bobby. At first, I attributed my lack of time to being on crutches- it seemed a logical enough scapegoat. Then, once I was off the crutches and still stressed and tired and with no downtime to do frivolous things like blog, I decided it was because of all the homework I was doing, working ahead so that I'd have Thanksgiving week free of assignments- and yes, that was part of it.

But mostly, I think I'm  not managing my time very well. Not the majority of the time, but at least 25% of the time, I'll let my fear about not finishing a project/lesson plan/book in time get in the way of my being able to give myself some downtime. This happens, especially, when I'm procrastinating. 75% of the time, I can hit the library no problem, bang out 6 hours straight on Tues/Thurs, and then work all day Mon/Wed/Fri, and then do homework on Sat/Sun. And I'm productive, and it's good work, and I feel good about it. But then, say, 25% of the time- I just don't.wanna.do.it.dammit. And in those times, I don't just admit "you know what? I'm going to dick around on the internet for 4 hours instead of doing my homework because I'm just not feeling it today, so I should just put it away and go do something fun with Bobby, or blog, or work out, or go on a walk, and actually enjoy this time." No, what I do is live in denial about the fact that homework/lesson planning/reading that book on __________ just isn't going to happen, and instead I'll remain at the desk, frittering away my time. I'm not good about taking breaks, I guess is what it comes down to. Or I'm not good about building them in, maybe that's it. Either way, I have a tiny handful of assignments left in this semester, thanks to all my working ahead, and I'm currently sitting at a 4.0, so I know I'm doing something right. And my stress level has gone waaaaaaaaay down in the last few weeks. But now I'm feeling the crunch again, and I feel guilty about not "working all the time", which results in the stupid situation of not being able to let myself actively choose downtime, instead of just sneaking it in.

The problem is, I do have a lot, a LOT of work to do. And yeah, I'm getting the majority of it done. But I need to come up with a different approach for next semester, or else I'm going to go insane. This coming week I am sorting scholarship applications for the non-profit, planning a lesson and teaching it on Friday, writing a behavioral plan tonight and interviewing a student tomorrow, doing two other assignments for my courses, completing step 4 of an application for an international job which includes photocopies of my whole life and passport photos in professional clothes for visa applications, grading 17 incredibly long essays + character diagrams + background analysis work for AP Literature, reading a book called "Teaching with Love and Logic" and taking detailed notes as part of a SMART goal for my teaching internship, plus my usual commitments of my teaching internship. I'm also getting back in the gym and hitting up spinning classes today, Thursday, and Saturday, as well as yoga on Thursday and Sunday (skipping the gym "because I'm busy" has been an excuse for too long this semester; I've been this busy the whole time, that's never going to change, but what is changing is my ability to fit into any of my professional clothing).

All of the previous has to be done by Friday night, so I only have one day off from teaching (Thursday) and 4 evenings to work on all of it. This weekend the homework/lesson planning starts all over again with an equally packed schedule for next week. One good thing is that two classes will be FINISHED this Saturday, and my third grad class will be finished on Wed, December 7th when I reflect on the last lesson plan I have to submit for the semester. I really think this whole experience would be very different if I wasn't going to grad school full time *while* student teaching. Don't get me wrong- I love that I'm getting credit for my student teaching, and I love that I'm getting a master's degree out of the kind of education classes I have to take for certification either way. But it's intense, ya'll. F'real though.

I'm really hoping to be able to blog more consistently, if only as a way to focus my thoughts. I promise they won't all be navel gazing bitch-fests about being busy like this one is. Honestly, I'm really enjoying so many things about this year, I'm just not enjoying my schoolwork. The teaching? It's great. My school, awesome. The kids? So, so cool. I love 'em. And all 3 of my mentor teachers are kind and helpful and intelligent and I am lucky to have them supervising me. I just need a break from all of this damn homework. Then I can be a tiny bit less crazy.

Every little bit helps in that department, trust me.

Victorious, Ya'll!

 Back in the saddle again...

Greetings and good news from Texas, kittens! After fighting my way through a ridiculous teacher certification test last month, I had very low hopes for passing it. However, yesterday I received my results and I passed! The passing score was a 220, and I received a 264 (top score, 300). So, now I have moved from hoping, desperately, to just pass, to now kind of thinking "damn, I could have done better". Such is the life of an overachiever.

But the important thing is I PASSED! This test was the very last thing I need to do for graduate school this fall, so now I can fully enjoy the coming summer and all the road trips, national parks, hiking, camping, swimming, and running that entails. Ah, can't wait. Bobby and I have such good adventures, even when it's just a tent and a national park in a neighboring state.

At the moment I'm 5 days into my two week Texas trip, hanging out at my Dad's house. I have lots of pictures and stories to catch up on, but a shower followed by lunch with a friend needs to happen first. Arielle and I are off to Austin tomorrow morning for more Texas touring and friends and family visiting, so I'm not sure when I'll give another update, but I just had to drop in to share that the PLACE exam did not defeat me, much as its subjective, ambivalent nature tried.

2011 Goals, or, This Post May Come Back to Shame Me in 2012

postcard I purchased in the subway my first week in Japan

I know most people did this post around January 3rd, but the first week of January I was busy enjoying J-Ben and P!'s visit, and then recapping it. So, let's just forgive my tardiness and get on with it :)

I am not a fan of New Year's Resolutions, for a few reasons I'll speak to in generalities. For one, I'm a goal setting, list making, project tackling kind of person. I tend to make frequent goals- on the order of monthly, or weekly, or, when I was in school, semester-ly (that's a word, right?). Plus, New Year's Resolutions seem to often be the only goal setting some people make, ever. As a result, they usually make ambiguous, fuzzy around the edges goals that are hard to quantify and make it nigh unto impossible to assess progress. Or, they make grand sweeping goals that are kind of impossible to achieve. Also, because this is the only time of the year that they might make goals, they are not used to working towards them and making a plan to achieve them. Because of these two problems, New Year's Resolutions have (rightly so) acquired the stereotype of being unachievable, hazy feel good-y type wishes that are uttered into the drunken atmosphere of a New Year's party at 2 a.m., or written haphazardly on a scrap of napkin at a diner where one is eating off the New Year's hangover. Ok, that's a little much, but I got carried away with the imagery...my point is, I think New Year's Resolutions are the surest way to jinx oneself into not accomplishing said resolutions, simply by cursing them with the name "resolutions". So, my two step solution (I'm no expert, just a girl with a free blogger account) is to a) make goals consistently throughout the year and b) make yearly goals that are quantifiable and measurable. For example, one of my 2011 goals is to read 52 books. That can work out to 1 book a week, or it can work out to book heavy months and book lean months. As long as I have 52 titles by the end of the year, I'm golden. Although, I honestly hope I'm not reading the final 38 books between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Here are my 2011 goals, categorized in ways that made sense to me. I've left out some of the specifics of implementation so that this already rambly and navel gazing post doesn't become 1,435 pages long, but you'll get the general idea.

Food and Fitness

Do at least two cardio workouts a week + three additional workouts (any type including yoga)

Get down to one soda and one coffee per week or less

Give C25K another try (applies to cardio workout goal above)

Misc Goals and Projects

West Coast Swing lessons- aim for once a week, go at least twice a month; belly dancing lessons on Sundays

Finish rainbow quilt, blue crocheted baby blanket, and Kate’s quilt- work on similar projects at least twice a month

Scan in journals/letters/cards; finish editing pictures & deleting unwanted pics; organizing files

Update blog at least twice a week/creative writing once a week

Career and Finances

Continue to volunteer with SSI and VE & complete Community Based Development Certificate

Begin Teacher Certification program and internship in August

Try to find a part time job that works around current internships

Personal Improvement

Read one book a week/52 books in a year

Regular Spanish study- Rosetta Stone, books, Spanish Word of the Day- at least 3 times a week

No more than one hour of internet during weekdays

Travel To-Do

Montana and Yellowstone Nat’l Park

Badlands

Go to at least one hot springs location

Travel to Denver and Boulder at least twice each for events or day trips

See a concert at Red Rocks

Travel to Texas at end of HP contract for an extended amount of time

Family

Call all grandparents and parents at least once a month/ Send more mail (specifically to Great Granny monthly)

____________________________________

A few notes: The one hour of internet daily ties into the read more books thing. I found that I have become a newshound. I can easily spend two hours a day reading BBC and NPR. While I don't want to be any less informed, I don't appreciate that way that my reading of books has been edged out a bit by my reading of news. The West Coast Swing lessons are something Bobby and I started back in Dallas- he invited to them for one of our first dates- and we both love them. Since we kind of need each other to accomplish that goal, it's on both of our lists. Speaking of Bobby, we actually sat down together and I typed up both of our lists, since a few things depended on one another- especially our travel goals. We want to make sure we fully explore this part of the world while we're living here, hence the travel to-do list. We also served as good sounding boards for one another, asking probing questions about goal ideas, getting honest feedback about realistic expectations, etc. Lastly, in regards to the food and fitness area. I am a fit person, but my cardio health is sorely lacking and as a former long distance runner this is annoying to me and I want to fix it. I tried to start C25K back in

September, but then I jinxed my hip. So here's hoping I'll be able to actually do it this time. If not, I'm giving myself a guilt free pass if I don't accomplish that goal. Biology and bones are tricky things to persuade, regardless of how much one might want to.

In addition to my goal list, I have one more thing. A theme for 2011, if you will. An overarching philosophy that I will seek to apply to my daily doings. It is two part and they go hand in hand:
1) Master my fear, or at least not let it control me (please see my

fear of flying and my fear of being eaten by bears)

2) Make decisions with confidence (please see my trepidation and back pedaling when it comes to making decisions here).

The second is born of the problem of the first. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision, so then I don't make any decision, and then I'm frustrated for not making a decision, and all that comes from my fear. This is cheesy, but yes, "master my fear" is totally a quote stolen from "The Golden Compass". And, while we're at it, here's a good quote about making decisions:

"Will considered what to do. When you choose one way out of many, all the ways you don't take are snuffed out like candles, as if they'd never existed. At the moment all Will's choices existed at once. But to keep them all in existence meant doing nothing. He had to choose, after all". - The Amber Spyglass

Too often, I operate under the false assumption that by putting off decisions I am somehow gaining by not making a wrong decision. I mean, I have so many options, but once I choose, I only have the option I chose. But, um, that's kind of the point. I'm not gaining anything by not choosing, because I'm not doing anything.

So, there you have it. I think I'll be writing a monthly post checking in with my 2011 goals, just to see how I'm doing and to be accountable.

Here's to 2011 my friends. It will be as good as we choose to make it.

A Bit Wrung Out

I'm tired kittens. Super deep down weary. Between the two non-profits I intern with I've been so busy the last few weeks, but it's a constant busy, the kind of busy that is naturally fuzzy and without borders due to working weekend shifts at info booths, or answering e-mails at 11 p.m., or reading scholarly journals on Sundays at 10 a.m., or getting random assignments and making day before the event commitments to work.

I'm loving all of it, but I also love schedules, and order, and it's hard to come by when one is working for two different organizations. The people I work for are amazing, I believe in what they do, it's the direction I'd like my career to go in, but I definitely need to find a way to "clock out", as it were. I always say "I'm just going to check my e-mail twice a day, morning and night" and instead I check it about once an hour for one organization, while I'm on the computer researching for the other. It creates this feeling of constantly working. And while I love to work, I also like downtime.

Maybe I can get better about self-organization. I was always really good about motivating myself to create and stick to study schedules while I was working and going to school, both full time, so I just need to do the same for my interning. I am so happy I get to do the work that I'm doing, and I'm grateful for everything I'm learning, I just need to balance it a bit.

I've always been at my best when I'm at my busiest, but it was usually a healthy mix of school, work, volunteering, socializing, and working out. Now it's just a bit too skewed towards work (which is, of course, volunteering), and all the other pieces are getting edged out. Plus, because I was a Democratic Precinct chair in Dallas, and an Obama Precinct Captain, and a delegate to the Democratic State Convention, I've been getting tons of e-mails about helping out here in Colorado, and I really want to. But right now I'm so all over the place, lacking a set schedule, it's hard to add that to the mix.

That's my goal for October. Balance. It's not a matter of too much work- I've been far busier many times in my life and was pretty stress free- it's just a matter of corralling it. How very Texas of me to use such a metaphor, right?

Couch to 5K Witchcraft

I jinxed my hip. Either that, or I'm a witch who can create things just by speaking about them.

What I'm trying to say is, literally the *day after* I posted about starting the C25K program, my hip went out. Big time. As in, one of the worst times since I've started yoga.

Sigh.

I think I have to publicly reverse psychologize my hip now.. please bear with me..

Dear Hip,

It's too bad that you are unnecessarily filled with pain that decreases my mobility. I mean, it's not like I'm going to try and run. That whole "Couch to 5K" business was just silly. I could care less about running! In fact, you can be out for the rest of my life, if you wanted to. We're in this thing together hip- I have zero desire to be a healthy, active human being. Gross! Who'd want THAT? Seriously. I love that you are so out of place that one leg is more than an inch longer than the other. I love that I fall a few times a day when my left leg completely gives out because you have decided to go on vacation from your job in my body. I especially love the way you click and pop when I walk. Basically, I just want to say thank you for all your hard work in preventing me from running, but please know that you're working waaaaaaay too hard. Running is for the birds! Birds that have functioning hips, that is.

Yours truly,
Cortney

(I'm not sure if my hip can read. This plan might backfire)

And Now for Something Completely Different

In my quest to organize my life and the few possessions I've whittled myself down to, I'm not only going through pictures/documents/papers/e-mail, I'm also going through my old myspace blog, as well as the 4 years of writing I've written on this laptop since I purchased it- as an aside, four years later it still works like a champ, thanks Dell! There are a lot of things I'd like to put up on this blog, so every once in a while I think I'm going to post things I've written in the past, that no one but me- or the recipient of my wordy e-mail that day, haha- has seen.

A good example is the e-mail I posted a few days ago, the one I had written to a friend over a summer break in college. I'm also trying to finish up a few writing projects I've had on the back burner for a while, as well as start writing in a more disciplined way. It helps that one of my internships is all about researching and writing, and it's gotten me back in that mindset of reading, researching, and writing in a consistent way. I'd like to start applying that consistency to my personal writings as well. It's no big secret amongst my family and friends that writing is something I've done from a very early age, and something I've excelled in and enjoying doing. So I think it's the perfect time to start paying attention to that.

But all the above aside, I just like writing and I never seem to do as much of it as I want to. Isn't is strange how we sometimes stop doing things we love, if for no other reason than that we forget to do them? I'm trying to remember.

Putting it Out There

This week is my first week on the Couch to 5K program. I have tried to start this two or three times before, my pride got the better of me and I ran waaaay more than I was supposed to, I hurt myself, and I had to quit.

Just a little background- I already had a birth defect at the base of my spine. Then, my Senior year of Varsity cheerleading I was dropped from a fully extended stunt. They tried to catch me, I folded up, and landed square on my tailbone/left hip- on the gym floor. Terrible injury. Since then, my back has gone out 4 times, to the point of not being able to sit without excruciating pain. If anyone has ever had a tailbone injury, you know how painful this is. Now, imagine it lingering from the ages of 18 to 22, and then still flaring up. The two worst times were when I threw my back out and was bedridden for two weeks, and my senior year of college when I threw it out for *four months*. I couldn't sit or lay on my back, had to stand in the back of classrooms to take notes, other people had to drive me so I could put the passenger seat down all the way, lay on my side, and buckle up... it was super depressing. Prior to my injury, I was a long distance runner, and a good one at that. Two years ago I discovered the miracle of power yoga, and while my hip/back twinges, it hasn't gone out since then. Thanks yoga, you're a pal. The problem is, while I do very challenging, hour long, power/ashtanga/vinyasa flow yoga about 4 times a weeks, it's not helping me in the cardio department. Even our 25 mile plus bike rides aren't challenging enough.

So, I am returning once more to running. It's a great workout, it will help me keep my heart healthy, and if my elusive competitive side comes out it would be fun to run 5K's, 10K's, and perhaps even half marathons...

But for now, I will be alternating running 60 seconds and walking 90 seconds, for a total of 20 minutes 3 times this week. Considering I am capable of jogging a mile right now- I've done so several times in the last year- this is kind of bruising my pride a *wee* bit. But, I also have to remember that while I am capable, cardio wise, of running a mile, every single time I have done so my hip/back has freaked out and I've been out of commission for a week. So, clearly I need to work my bones up to the challenge.

Here's to swallowing my pride, respecting my limits, and becoming a runner again!

Oh Yeah, I Graduated! Here Are Some Pictures

A few things- the time stamp is clearly totally wrong, I graduated in December 2009. Also, how absurd is my wizard getup? The sleeves had those creepy dangly dudes hanging off of them, and my striped hood had a sassy little flippy upturned tail situation going on. Lastly, I tried to upload a few group family photos, and blogger flat out said "eff you, it's Sunday, that's all you get, I'm gonna go to Denny's and get pancakes and then take a nap". Thanks Blogger. You're a real peach.

So, yeah. I'm a Master of Something!! Two years full time school and full time work, my G.P.A. was right at 3.8 or so, and I have less than half of the student loan debt the average student has after their *undergraduate* degree, so I'm very happy with that. Now I just need a job to go with my wizard cape and master's degree, and I'll be all set.

New Year's Resolutions

Last year my resolution was to say yes to as much as possible- as long as it wasn't illegal and didn't harm me or anyone else. The second part of this was to have no expectations- just go in headfirst and expect the best. This led to many interesting experiences- some good, some bad. I went out with lots of interesting people, suffered through some boring parties and sub par festivals, made new friends, discovered new neighborhoods, got lost in some scary ones, but overall had a pretty good time.

In general though, it's hard for me to get excited about New Year's resolutions because I'm constantly making mini-goals, setting up little tasks and challenges, trying to improve, and making lots of lists that I get to check things off of. So, the mini goal for January '09 to May '09 is a simple one. I'm currently taking 4 graduate classes and working full time. All I want is to finish the semester with, at minimum, a 3.0. I would be over the moon with a 3.5, and I wouldn't believe the numbers if it was a 4.0, but a 3.0 would give me a good satisfied feeling.

This mini-goal ties well into my general life resolution from last year- it's a good thing I said yes to so many things last year, because I'm pretty much going to be saying "no" to everything that isn't school, working, or working out for the next 4 months. But when it's over? So are ALL the classes for my master's degree. Just 4 months. 4 little months. It seems pretty innocuous when I type it out like that. Four months. Ack, that's scarier somehow. 4 months. Ah, that's better.

And the picture has nothing to do with this post- I just needed to figure out how to actually post a picture :)