I Have Heard What the Talkers Were Talking

I'm all talked out, kittens. I just truly don't even care to try and engage in meaningful debate anymore. Way back when I first stumbled upon blogs, I found it fun to find interesting things to read and discuss on the internet, with intelligent and interesting people. No, I'm not talking about crappy forums where people just fight. I'm talking legitimate spaces for sharing thoughts, working through thorny issues, having one's mind changed, changing another person's mind, etc. I relished the back and forth of respectful debate, the logical mind exercise of thinking through something and trying to deconstruct it. The first blog that I found, and was active in, was Feminist Mormon Housewives. I managed to find it in the fall of 2004, right when it was recently founded. I was dating a Mormon at the time, and wondering what kind of space there was in his faith for liberals, feminists, free thinkers. Taking part in that blog over the course of the year we dated in Dallas, and the year we dated long distance while I lived in Japan, really helped me. A lot. I found other blogs, and started my own once Myspace finally sucked me in during the early part of 2006, when I was halfway through that year in Japan. I had always loved a good (honest, civil) debate, and I found a lot of it online. Once I joined FB, there were lots of linked articles and posts to hash over with my friends (liberal and not liberal) and on the whole, most were civil and engaging. I found such interactions to be a nice exercise in logic, and it was fun to talk with people who had varying view points.

Often times in the past I have touched on controversial subjects on my own blog, or have presented strongly held and sometimes contentious viewpoints. Those blog posts were often extensively researched, and I felt like I wanted/needed to share them. I am no wallflower when it comes to politics, and I am open about being an activist. I volunteered for two years as a Democratic Precinct Chair, and I served as a delegate to the National Convention in Austin. Throughout undergraduate and graduate school I have taken part in more student actions, and signed more petitions, than I can count. I am a proud and regular voter, I've registered others to vote, and I have marched in rallies with homemade signs. I have cried over laws passed, laws that left me just so broken hearted and defeated that I just wanted to give up. But I didn't, and I haven't, and I won't.

But what I do want to give up- at least for right now- is all the talking. All the writing. Because let's face it. 99% of it is pure wasted time. It might be fun for me to craft a zinger of a response, or a witty counterpoint, or a scathing post, meticulously researched, on how unfair X, Y, or Z law is. But in the end, I'm usually preaching to the choir. And it's usually, honestly, a waste of my time. I think it served a purpose for a long time, I do think it made me more open minded, more temperate, more logical, and it allowed me to really develop a firm understanding of why I believe the things I do. And I learned a lot, and changed a lot. Right now, however, the thought of engaging in debate just leaves me exhausted. I put a moratorium on myself that I recently rescinded and it just left me annoyed, and further reinforced that sometimes, it matters not how logically one presents an argument, it will inevitably not change anyone's mind. I'm not interested in writing blog posts that just bring out the cheering section, and I don't really believe that such posts would cause someone to change their position, because I have very little faith in the powers of my own writing, and I have enough sense to know that this blog doesn't have a very large sphere of influence. I'm growing tired of choosing the words, of sharing the facts, of offering the caveats, of addressing dissent before it is raised. All of those bob and weaves used to be fun, and now they just feel so laborious.

I'm still politically active. I'm still signing those petitions, and volunteering, and fighting for what I believe in.  Tonight, I rejoiced when I received my text from HRC that same sex marriage had passed in New York. But as much as I'm giddy about the news, I truly have no desire to write a long and thoughtful and passionate blog post about it, and then field potential comments, good or bad. I feel the need to say that I do, still, get inspired and motivated by reading such material, or skimming over an interesting political debate. I'm just not at all interested, at the moment, in creating it myself. Maybe it will come back. Maybe it won't. I'm just tired of expending the energy, and I was never tired before. It used to be fun. I would think of a turn of phrase, or a good point to make, and I would enjoy it. Now that I'm tired of it, and bored with it, it's probably a good move to stop spending my time on it. I've gotten to where I don't even care to talk about it amongst friends. I'm just. talked. out. I think I'm also pissed off that we're STILL having to talk about some of these things in the first place. For God's sake, I want to stop debating "whether or not we should let gay people get married". Or "is health care a human right?". Or "should evolution be taught in schools?" Or "does feminism harm men?". Blurrrrrrgh. I just want to be in a place where certain things are just accepted. Debating such things just reminds me that so many of my morals and values must still be defended on a constant basis. I told Bobby I was annoyed with having to start from a baseline of fighting for legitimacy in the first place. I don't mind doing it at the ballot, or in an e-mail or letter to my senator, or on a phone call to a registered voter to tell them to get out and VOTE. I am, however, minding a lot having to talktalktalk about it. Especially when so much of it is a song and dance, a little formality, with neither party really having any intention of changing.

I'm feeling dangerously close to the apathy line, and I can't let myself burn out now. I believe far too strongly in way too many things to let myself get taken over with ambivalence. If writing it all out, if presenting and defending arguments, if engaging in debate, if all  of that is wearing me out it's not worth the mental exercise I used to enjoy. The action is what is important, anyway. All the rest is just chatter.

Post title from Walt Whitman, my favorite poet.

Re-Defining Rape

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Rape Victim Abortion Funding
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog</a> The Daily Show on Facebook

I find satire to be one of the best ways to point out absurdities.

Copious amounts of text on the internet and in print have been used to criticize H.R. 3., The "No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion Act", so I won't rehash all of that here. All I've been saying, this entire time, is that the very fact that any elected official in this country would say out loud or write on paper the absurd "distinction" between "forcible rape" and "non-forcible rape" makes me so incensed I can hardly see straight. After a huge outpouring of criticism, they are changing the language, but the fact that they even went there in the first place is unbelievable and makes me seriously concerned as to the lack of understanding they have related to sexual assault. *Trigger warning for the next rant*

INHERENT IN THE WORD RAPE IS FORCE.

How hard is that to understand? You don't have to say "forcible rape". That's repetitive and ignorant, quite frankly. Rape, in and of itself, is a force of a sexual act on another human being against their will. There is no need to say "forcible rape". Rape, in and of itself, is plenty violating enough on its own. It doesn't need to involve a broken face, or dislocated shoulders, or bloody lips or creeping strangers breaking into the house to be about FORCE. And I could truly, really, honestly care less about why they are trying to do this. If they are truly, really, honestly doing this out of respect for life due to their objection to abortion, then they need to find another way to do this that doesn't involve dis-respecting women** by telling them that rapes only count if the violence is horrific enough on top of the inherent violation of rape.

The bottom line is that it is a slap in the face to rape victims to say that their rape doesn't count unless it was accompanied by an arbitrarily decided sufficient amount of additional physical violence. Rape is a violation and a crime regardless. Women do not need to be violently beaten and broken, in addition to being raped, for it to "count"- a lack of consent equals rape, period. I realize the sponsors of this bill are trying to hedge and say it is just in relation to taxpayer funded abortions, and as I said they have changed the bit about "forcible rape", but the language that they have been using speaks volumes about their general ideas about rape, violence against women, and helping rape victims, and it points out a glaring lack of understanding and compassion in all of those areas.

There are 173 sponsors of the bill- 9 Democrats, and 164 Republicans. You can find more information about it at OpenCongress.org. You can get information there on what representatives are sponsoring the bill, and if you would like you can write to your representative.

**Men are raped too, but as the bill is tied directly to tax payers funding abortions in cases of rape or incest I'm not addressing male victims of rape in this instance.

Testing my Theme...

The last week, as Tunisia has overthrown its government, Bobby and I have been joking about how Egypt will probably start a revolution when we get there. In the last few days, NPR and BBC have been reporting on how interviews with Egyptians have revealed support for Tunisia's revolution. Quotes have been made along the lines of "it needs to happen here in Egypt next".

...


...

Some of you following international news may already know where this is going....

Protesters in Cairo on Jan 25th source

Today was an official "Day of Revolt"in Egypt. Cairo, to be specific. Protests all day long and into the night, chanting, marching, demanding term limits, fair minimum wage, freedom of speech, etc. From the police, an unusual amount of respect has been given to the protesters, although there has been tear gas. Water cannons have been used. There have been some clashes. But for the most part, the protesters have been peaceful. While 3 people- one police officer and two protesters- have sadly died (with no additional details other than the number at this time) that is, quite frankly remarkable considering that TENS OF THOUSANDS of Egyptians are marching in the streets.

I find it... well, a bit scary, seeing as how we're going to be landing in Cairo, Egypt, the epicenter of the protests, on February 6th. I know that's almost two weeks away, but the protesters have pledged that this is "just the beginning". At this time, I don't see this fading quietly away anytime soon. I'm working on "mastering my fear", but between my terror of plane crashes and the country in the middle of what might be a revolution, I'm a bit antsy about this upcoming trip. I'm sure that National Geographic cares enough about its brand, if not my life, to cancel our trip if it was dangerous. But I really hope it doesn't get canceled, and a part of me- the one that has misplaced and irrational fears- is still more scared of a plane crash than I am of being in a country in the middle of trying to overthrow its government. It's how I roll. But I definitely find it ironic that my theme of 2011 is "Mastering my Fear", and I'm about to take lots of flights (scary) to get to a country in political turmoil whose people are revolting against the government (also kind of scary). I called my mom, and she said "oh, you need to worry more about all those tour buses crashing...it's been all over the news how Egyptian tour buses crash all.the.time. and kill people". Thanks, Mom. That's a third thing to be afraid of! :)

If you want to keep up with what's going on via live updates, you can check this link. BBC, NPR, and CNN are all following the story as well. I would be following this story even if I wasn't set to be in Egypt very soon, but I have to admit it does make the story more compelling to me and I will be keeping up with interest to see where this leads.

Dr. King

I hope you're all enjoying today. It's one of my favorite holidays. This song never, ever ceases to bring tears to my eyes. Especially the line "sometimes I lay down, no more can I do/then I go on again, because you asked me to". It's important to remember that what was asked of him- his very life- is a sacrifice that many others made with him as well. I can't imagine the courage of that conviction, I don't know if I myself have it in me, but I am in awe of it. Many people have read or heard his "I Have a Dream" speech, but equally moving to me is his letter from Birmingham jail. If you haven't read it, you can read it here.

"...And I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people we will get to the promised land. So I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man." Martin Luther King Jr speech in Memphis, April 3, 1968, the day before he was assassinated

Human Life vs A 2010 Mercedes- Which Wins?

One of the things I love about living in Colorado, specifically our town in Colorado, is that it is so bike friendly. Anytime I am driving anywhere I see many cyclists- some obviously training, others using their bikes as transportation. Bobby bikes to work 80% of the time, and as you've seen on this blog we go on longer rides on the weekends together. I bike to the gym, and to the grocery store when I'm not doubling up on car errands. The point is, we're those nerds that eagerly keep up with cities installing bike lanes, or the newest green bamboo bikes that are coming out, or how some cities are created pedestrian only zones. It's a part of our lifestyle, and we appreciate living in a city that caters to it.

So. Imagine how pissed I was when I hopped on Facebook, and read a news article linked by a friend of ours- the same friend that went with us on our Tour de Flats 2010 bike ride. A wealthy financial manager, Martin Joel Erzinger, struck a cyclist- Dr. Steven Milo- on the highway in a town near where we live. Erzinger did not stop to see if the human being he struck had been killed. Instead, he drove to a local Pizza Hut where he called a tow truck and his insurance company to take care of his 2010 Mercedes. He didn't even place an anonymous call to 911 to send an ambulance out to his victim- no, his only concern was his car. Instead, another motorist came to Milo's rescue, and luckily Milo's life did not end on the side of a highway that day.

Now, I know you're thinking "that's terrible, but unfortunately people are crappy and hit and runs happen all the time". Yes, that's true. But it gets worse my friends. Much worse.

The DA, Mark Hurlbert, decided that Erzinger would not be charged with a felony- which is the standard charge. I mean, if you leave a human to die in a ditch on the side of the road, I kind of think a felony is getting off easy. But not Hurlbert. Oh, no. You see, he is on the record stating that Erzinger will not be charged with a felony because...

oh wait for it...

IT WILL AFFECT ERZINGER'S PROFESSION, AND HE MIGHT LOSE HIS JOB.

Yeah, read it again. A man is not being charged as he should because he "manages more than $1 billion in assets. He would have to publicly disclose any felony charge within 30 days, according to North American Securities Dealers regulations."

Oh, wow, I'm sorry. How terrible to have to suffer the consequences of your actions! I mean, I kind of thought the point of LAWS and the CONSEQUENCES OF BREAKING THEM is exactly what keeps people from doing so. If you didn't want to lose your job because of a felony, here's an idea- how 'bout you not COMMIT A FELONY??

So, here's the lesson kittens- if you make enough money, you are above the law. And people won't even try to hide that- they'll admit it to local papers and not even think twice about whether or not it's a good practice to remove negative consequences from one's actions, as long as one is wealthy. My friend Matt said he e-mailed DA Hurlbert and asked him "if he had a handy chart of net-worth to crimes you could get away with" committing. Because it's that blatant.

For the record, Milo- you know, the one who was LEFT TO DIE IN A DITCH- has stated he doesn't care about receiving monetary damages. Milo is a doctor, and presumably he is ok financially. Rather, he would understandably like Erzinger to be punished according to the law, not according to how much money Erzinger handles and makes.

If you, like me, are appalled that any DA would admit to not charging a criminal appropriately because it would affect the criminal's ability to enjoy his salary and keep his job, please sign the following petition-

http://www.change.org/petitions/view/da_mark_hurlbert_dont_drop_felony_charges_against_hit-and-run_wealth_manager

Here is the original story-

http://www.vaildaily.com/article/20101104/NEWS/101109939/1078&ParentProfile=1062

And here is the DA's information if you are so inclined to mail a letter, call, or fax regarding his decision:
Eagle County

Physical Address:
...Eagle Count Justice Center Annex Building
955 Chambers Avenue
Eagle, CO 81631

Driving Directions:
Click here for a printable map.

Mailing Address:
Eagle County District Attorney's Office
P.O. Box 295
Eagle, CO 81631

Phone Number:
970-328-6947
Fax Number:
970-328-1016

I Voted. Thank You 19th Amendment!

Today is Election Day. More specifically, these are mid-term elections, which for some reason gives people the idea that they are not important. As a result, America's already abysmal voter turnout becomes even more pathetic during elections that occur outside of the glitz and glamor of Presidential politics.

Personally, I don't understand why people would waste an opportunity to exercise a right that so many people have fought, died, and protested for. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit home on election day and spit in the face of the 72 years of struggle the women and men of the Suffrage Movement went through so that I, as a woman, would have the right to step into a voting booth and cast my ballot. Thank you 19th Amendment. I hope I never take you for granted.

Further, mid-term elections are just as important- if not more important- than our Presidential elections. We all know that when it comes down to it a popular vote does not elect a President. The Electoral college does. And yes, while the President can set the tone for certain policies, and she or he can veto certain bills, it's the Senators and Representatives that are actually drafting and voting on and passing or not passing laws that affect our entire nation. Depending on the state, Governors have wide ranging decision making power. Why would you not want a say in all that? Let's say you ardently supported Candidate X for President. Then, you skipped out on mid-terms, since, you know, they're apparently not important. But now the Senate and House are controlled by a party you don't agree with, and suddenly President X doesn't have much support for her administration. And suddenly all these laws are being passed that you disagree with... oh but wait. You didn't vote, right, because it "wasn't as important"? Hmmm. Maybe it was, don't you think?

What I love most about our democracy is the egalitarian nature of the voting booth. We all get one. single. vote. Rich or poor, whatever color we may be, or religion we may practice, or beliefs we may hold, however powerful or weak we are in our day to day jobs, when we each step into a voting booth we are truly equal. It is, perhaps, the only full expression of the ideal of equality put forth in our constitution. We all have a chance to be heard. One person, one vote. A chance to really dig into the machinery of our democracy, and decide to change this, take that out, build more of this, tear that down and turn it into something else, no, leave this section alone, it's fine. We get to dictate our leaders. It is our will that decides who has the right and the responsibility to hold office and be a human conduit of the principles that make up our country. That is an awesome privilege. And a huge responsibility.
But overall, I agree with my father's perspective- that it is our fundamental duty as citizens. We live in a country guided by laws that are organic. This system requires our commitment to participate, and participate often. If some of us sit it out, the picture gets skewed to one extreme or another. The more we participate, the more our government actually reflects the people it is meant to represent.

So please. Vote today, and vote every chance you get. There is never a more or less important election. If you care about the way our country is run and the way our daily lives are affected as a result, every election is important.


"Every voter ought not merely to vote, but to vote under the inspiration of a high purpose to serve a nation." -Calvin Coolidge

Stay. And Fight.

Today is National Coming Out Day. While we all have our own morals, and we all have our own opinions, here are mine. I wrote this when we found out that Prop 8 had passed, the same night we were celebrating the election...


Written Friday, Nov 14th, 2008
I’ve been thinking about how to write this since the night it happened. All things considered, Election 2008 should have left me a thoroughly satisfied person. Since the primaries way back last spring I’ve been fully invested in supporting Barack Obama’s campaign. I anxiously followed every news report, agonizing over some, celebrating over others, waiting and hoping and working and praying that in the end, yes, I would wake up on November 5th and see that he was my President Elect. As the days drew nearer, and it became more clear that looking forward to victory was not folly, the numbers, the pundits, the polls, the people- it was all there. Still, election day I was on a razor’s edge, breathless, just wanting it to be over and wanting it to be over the way I so hoped it would be.

There was something else happening Nov 4th- Brian’s birthday. We all agreed to get together at Bri’s house first, working ourselves up in the comfort of his apartment with CNN- and those holograms! They did the trick. We headed out to Gilley’s to meet up with even more people, and as we were walking across the parking lot the air was cold and the sky was clear and people were walking ahead of us and behind us and I was thinking of how I was pretty sure this night would end and everything seemed so perfect. My friends around me, joking and laughing and tussling with each other like puppies, happy in the night air, excited about what was happening, heading to what would end up a huge celebration party. The place was packed with people of every age and color, cowboys and yuppies and babies and grandmas, American flags, blue streaking through everything on hats and shirts and posters and balloons, we had done it. There was a necessary humility, and underneath that a paranoid fear that something could go terribly wrong, but all in all we all knew we had won, and won big. The tug of war arc of blue and red at the bottom left of CNN’s screen told us we were fast building a majority to support the new administration, and we were all talking about how we just couldn’t believe we were so young when the first black president was elected, how far we’d come, how hard we’d worked, but above all how much we believed in this new page in America’s history. We were moving forward. We would have a President who believed in personal sacrifice, in helping one another, in realizing we are only as strong as the weakest among us, that while we should strive individually we still, in the end, succeed or fail together, as a nation, as a people. When CNN put up the countdown for what would put Barack over the votes needed, the entire bar broke into a countdown, and then broke into shouts and tears and hugs, flashbulbs popping, cameras rolling, it was over and it was us and I really thought I couldn’t handle so much happiness. The previous years were a hard 8 to turn, and it had. The sheer numbers across the board were a stunning indictment of the previous administration’s policies and a clear mandate from the people. We were moving forward. I leaned into my friend’s, my family, my heart, these people I have knit to me over the past 7 years, and just breathed it all in. It was perfect.

It was perfect. It was.

And then Arielle leaned into my right side, holding her phone, still lit up from the text she had received. “Prop 8 passed” was all she said. It passed. And see this is why I couldn’t write this blog. Because I am crying so hard right now I can hardly see to type. Prop 8 passed. Prop 8 passed. Prop 8 passed. I don’t know how many times I need to type it to try and force everyone- every single person- who fought for it, who cried yes to it, to understand what they did to my friends, to my family, to my heart. To that night. When we were naïve and overjoyed and looking forward to a new day. That night, when Prop 8 passed, said yes, if you are gay or a lesbian, you don’t count. You don’t get those rights. Your love is wrong. We won’t let you get married. I want you to be in the middle of an ecstatic crowd, next to people crying and clapping and giddy with relief, and then come into my experience, that circle, seeing my friends clapping and cheering, and standing with Arielle knowing they would know soon too. When we told them, it just all stopped. You would have thought that we were somewhere else completely. I will never, ever, forget the look on Katie’s face. There wasn’t even anger. It was just utter grief. Just broken down, nothing left to fight with even if you wanted to sadness. She left and we comforted those around us who stayed and cried into our shoulders, our hugs, our own tears. It was absolutely shocking. It made me sick. I would never, ever have thought that Prop 8 would pass. I was worried about so many other things, but I don’t think any of us really thought that people would step into a poll booth in California and vote to write a constitutional amendment to keep two consenting adults from joining together in marriage. I don’t even know what to write. It’s all been said before, and nothing can change those people’s minds. The blatant lies funded by several million given by churches and their members no doubt helped solidify the fears they already had. And yes, this is a democracy. Majority rules. But if the majority of people in this country still think that marriage between two men, or two women, is the most pressing issue of our day, the most important task to confront, I am beyond disappointed, beyond disgusted. I don’t even know what I am.

There really is nothing left to say. These are people who, when they kiss their husband, or look at their wife, or watch their children sleeping, must not seriously be able to comprehend that every day gay and lesbian couples and parents do the exact same things. They fall in love. Their hearts race and they’re nervous and giddy and excited. They have poems and songs. They dance together in their kitchens. They fight over stupid shit. They don’t like their partner's parents, or they annoy one another with quirky habits. They take off one another’s shoes when they fall asleep, read the paper together over breakfast, text each other sweet messages, they want and raise children, they love and worry about them- I can’t even go on, this is ridiculous, really do I have to spell this out that they are human beings? That they are no different from you? Really? I have to lay it out like that so you can understand that your petty self centeredness is destroying their chance at having a marriage? That for some couples in California, that yes box that you so confidently checked, maybe with righteous pride, may have drawn a big X right down the middle of their marriage license? They went to bed as wives in their house, as husbands in their apartment, maybe with cats tripping down the hall or babies sleeping next to them, and they woke up to find… what? How dare you. You make me sick. I am filled up, eaten up with disgust for you. With frustration that you are unmoved in the face of the grim reality that your choice wrought. That you can walk peacefully through this earth, that you are pleased with the stand you took.

What stand was that? What we fight against the strongest says a lot about us as people. And what were you fighting against? With 25 million dollars. With speeches from the pulpit of your church where you speak of love. With deceptive ads and fear mongering? You tell me. I want to hear you say it. You were fighting against the right for two consenting adults to join their lives together in love under the rights and protections and honor marriage is given. So. In this time of economic crisis, when we are in two wars, when people are losing their homes, their jobs, their life savings, when children in the richest country in the world can’t go to the doctor, when women are still left unequal under the law to men, when we are polluting our earth, when we have so many problems that need our attention and time. This is your fight. In this time, you chose this fight. This was more important than volunteering with children. This was more important than donating your money to feed the poor. This was more important than making care packages for troops. This. You have chosen your fight. And it has defined you. You should be ashamed. I am worn out with it. No logic can sway you. I give you the humanity of those who you cannot fathom are like you, and you sneer at it. You would rather children stay locked in a broken foster system than be given to a loving home with two mommies, or two daddies. Such is the depth of your conviction that being gay or lesbian is some kind of deal breaker in being able to relate to one another as humans. Somehow that love is inherently different. You obsess over the mechanics and it makes you uncomfortable and you just stop right there wrapped up in your intolerance, stubborn, you just can’t make that last step and say that the love they feel for one another is every bit as real, and valid as what you feel.

So. Where do we go from here? I’ll tell you. I’ll go down as someone who saw you for what you were. Who are you? Let’s look to the history books. You are the man beating his wife, because she’s just a woman and no law protects her body. You are the factory owner bending the backs of children over the endless hum of the sewing machines. You are the men throwing women into jail because they dared reach for the ballot. You are the pushers of laws that forbid blacks and whites to marry. You are the cop setting dogs on people marching for their freedom. And no, that’s not too harsh.

You came into that night, into my circle of friends, into our knot of happiness, and you attacked us. You hurt them and that kills me. You denied them their equal rights under the law. You don’t know what you’re doing, and you don’t know who you are. But I do. And someday in the not too distant future, in history books that have yet to be written, everyone will know who you were. You will take your spot in that long line of mistakes, of bigotry, of ignorance fueled by fear and division.

Someday my children will ask me “How could they have ever thought such things?”

Your children will have a very different question. I hope you’re ready for that day.
____________________________________________________________________________________

Some would say the above is very harsh. I think it's very real, and raw, emotion. This was a little over a week after it happened, and I was still this upset. And I'm not even the object of the discrimination! This is empathetic rage. I can't even imagine if I was trying to build a life with another woman, and a family, and I wasn't able to access the rights, protections, and privileges of marriage. I can't imagine being gay and giving my life to my country, serving and sacrificing, knowing all the while that if they knew who I was, if they knew my true self, they would abandon me. That the very offer of my LIFE is not worth it to them, because of who I love.

Come out STRONG. Come out PROUD. And come out ready to FIGHT. We are not there yet, but we are on our way.

Ups and Downs

Last week on Facebook, this was my status after a particularly hard couple of days-

"I'm having one of those weeks where I'm incredibly beaten down about all the things I care about, and try to fight for and work for and be educated about and vote in favor of. It all seems like trying to push water uphill with my hands lately. I'm so tired and frustrated. I feel like none of it matters, or is making a difference. The news made me cry yesterday and today. Blech."

It's hard to stay motivated sometimes when you're deeply involved in so many activist circles. I feel defeated, and useless, and so very, very small in the face of all the injustice I see in the world. I read the news every day for about an hour, from all over the world, I try to stay informed, I vote, I register others to vote and volunteer with political campaigns, I volunteer with organizations I support, and I try to be educated on a variety of issues. A lot of times, it feels awesome. Standing in the middle of a throng of people on election night, and counting down to victory, and being so happy that all of my hard work for the previous year and a half had mattered, that felt good. Getting e-mail updates from various organizations I support, saying that this bill or that bill passed, or that this boycott or that boycott worked, that feels good. Knowing that someone I registered voted for the first time, or someone I talked to got fired up to get involved in an issue- awesome.

But other days, and sometimes weeks, when the news is disgusting and there are setbacks and I have bad encounters with people or no one seems to know or care about a huge problem that was on every news website, I get so discouraged. And you know, I'm more discouraged by the lazy apathy than I am by the passionate hate, or the strong resistance. At least when someone is resisting something they have made a choice, they're involved in shaping the world around them. I can, strangely, respect a vigorous and outspoken opponent infinitely more than I can an apathetic and ignorant bystander.

When I'm feeling down, and needing an up, I try and put things into perspective. For example, I think about the fact that the women's suffrage moment officially started in 1848, but we didn't get the vote until 1920- 70 years of struggle. I also have a collection of quotes I've come across over the years that makes me feel better. Motivated. I think this is one of my all time favorites-

“Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore. We have seen the future, and the future is ours.”- C. Chavez