Thursday, October 29, 2009


I was reading a personal finance blog today, and the author links to other sites at the end of each week, referencing articles he found interesting. One was on a very amicable separation. The author went through all the issues surrounding the divorce, and, as was appropriate through an online forum through which he also does business, he addressed the issue without a lot of emotion, but certainly with an appropriate amount of sobriety given the situation. Back at the original blog that linked the article, lots of commenters were shocked at him, saying things like "well, it didn't seem THAT bad, he just didn't want to be a dad" or "if they got along so well, why did they get a divorce?" or "he doesn't seem too upset about it!" or "he's deserting his kids!"

First of all, while divorce shouldn't be a quick fix first option, where the hell did people get the idea that divorce is acceptable only if you have toughed it out for years, living in misery and despair, slowly growing more and more resentful until you have amassed a ball of hate that is an appropriate justification for divorce?! How is that healthy for the kids? I am shocked that the response to amicable divorces is "well, they don't really DESERVE a divorce then, look at how well they're getting along!". Um, maybe it's because those two people were compassionate and understanding enough to realize it just wasn't going to work and they weren't going to waste each other's time, or put their kids through an awkward couple of years of faking it. Some couples go to counseling, reconnect, and it's great. But you know what? Some try desperately to stay in a marriage that makes them miserable, and it just doesn't work. The spouse that is being patronized can't possibly feel good knowing that their partner doesn't want to be with them and is just "toughing it out", the spouse "toughing it out" is likely also miserable and depressed, and HEADS UP PEOPLE YOUR KIDS CAN EFFING TELL IF YOU HATE EACH OTHER. Sorry. They can.

It just blows my mind how all of the people could be outraged that the married couple dare get a divorce without being at the point where they wanted to kill each other first. What an awful way to approach life. Not to mention a totally immature way.

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